The Glossy Life Of An Arewa Gossip Girl

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‘Gist me, gist me, gist me’. Layla squealed as she dragged a seat from behind her and sat down. She was grinning from ear to ear in anticipation of the gossip I was about to spill.

‘See her’. I said and extended my face towards her. ‘Magulmaciya’ I laughed.

‘Ba wani gulma. Abeg spill it, my body is vibrating in anticipation’. She laughed and slapped her palms together as if waiting for a hot yummy meal.

‘Alright then. When did Safiyya Turmi get married?’ I asked her. As a seasoned and chief gossip teller, I am well accustomed on how best to pique the interest of my listener.

Layla frowned a bit then said ‘December mana. Three months ago’.

‘Yawwa. Toh In Sha Allah as I am talking to you right now. Safiyya Turmi who had that insanely lavish wedding with Aliyu, that Jigawa senators son is in her fathers house with a small baby bump and a dead marraige’.

‘Qarya ne’ Layla almost screamed and covered her mouth with her palm. ‘Duk uban kudin da aka kashe? All that lefe and wedding and that huge house. Kutuma. ‘

I just nodded my head, my expression a mix of grim and smile. I wanted the information to sink into her head, heart and whole body first.
You will never believe why’ I continued, I was laying foundation for the next bomb.

‘What happened?’ She made a shocked sound from her throat that sounded like a sharp intake of breath.

“This world is very very scary. Do you know that Aliyu is a serious drug addict. As in taceccen dan qwaya ne. He can’t go a day without drugs’.

‘ You see. You see what I mean when I say that we get so blinded by money we don’t bother with checking for background information when getting married. This whole rubbish will have been prevented. Dama I knew that marriage was too good to last, the way it was just making rounds and people were commenting. Too much evil eye’.

I curved my lips upward and hugged by handbag tighter. We were at the office canteen on tea break and hadn’t even realised that we had only 5 more minutes to resume work and we haven’t ordered anything. To the passersby, we were two ladies gossiping, in reality, we were two ladies gossiping.

‘Exactly’ I concured ‘ I also knew they won’t last. They were too beautiful together, something had to give. Toh ai baki sani ba. Ba shaye-shayen bane ya koreta. He had started beating her harda shati’.

‘Kai’

‘Wallahi I won’t lie to you. Zarah told me all these and you know Safiyya’s step-mom and Zarahs elder sister share a mutual friend. All that PDA on pre-wedding picture and that lovey dovey during wedding ashe mutumin banza ne’ I concluded with a hiss.

‘This is what happens when you marry for money’ Layla declared and I nodded in agreement while we all conveniently forgot that we both promised that we will not marry any man who is not up to our standard (loads of money in the bank, sleek car, duplex, Iphone8, vacation abroad and Rolex watch is the standard) , lack of love notwithstanding. Afterall, what’s greater love than a fat alert in the account?.

‘I just hope she has deleted the pre-wedding, wedding and post-wedding pictures she had so generously splayed on Instagram. The shame! ‘. Layla said with a humph I would have mistakened for pity had I not known that she was secretly more than a bit glad that the perfect lives of Aliyu and Saffiya aren’t so perfect afterall, she had always envied and condemned Safiyya for one reason or the other. Her feelings were confirmed by a small smile that played on her lips.

‘Kina ina? I have checked it sharpaly, guess what?’ I asked and her eyes widened in silent anticipation. ‘She has deleted her account. You know he had never been on IG as per big boy. And what’s worse is that just recently, @hausa_fulani posted her wedding throwback pictures. Which kind of life is that?’.

‘Imagine this abun kunya. Anyway, let me gist you what happened at home today’ Layla said with a grin and beckoned at me in preparation. ‘Today Daddy and his wife were at it again. Wallahi he almost slapped her. I was so happy…’

She went on to excitedly tell me how her Dad and her step-mother who made her father divorce her 45 year old mother about 5 years ago to marry her when she was just 22 were fighting almost everyday now and she was glad that even though Karma was 5 years too late, she was finally taking care of them.

I nodded as if paying attention but I was genuinely not that interested in her father’s affairs. We all knew him as a chronic womaniser and it was no rocket science that his marriage to Halima Bala, our senior in secondary school who served in his office and was 2 years older than us was definitely going down the drain sooner or later. My mind was on more pressing matters, how to get invited to Amira Jarmai’s wedding coming up in a months time. I need to witness that wedding and see what they have to offer. The way she presents herself as the richest idiot in town. Let’s see which prince she will marry.

We didn’t have any lunch. What better lunch than an afternoon with our plates full of gossip. We both went back to our respective departments; I , IT while she was in accounting. I was primarily managing the company’s website (which includes publicity, SEO, updates and the likes) and some social media handles. That means, I can do two jobs at a time, my job and my side job (which earns me nothing), gulma.

1250cookie-checkThe Glossy Life Of An Arewa Gossip Girl

This post has 54 reads

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Author: Hafsah Dauda

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